Which Relationship Gets Most of Your Time?

In America, we say things like “time is money” or “don’t waste my time.” It is why our society organizes strict schedules — if you have an appointment at 9:00AM you need to arrive 15 minutes early. If a meeting is scheduled for 2:00PM, you better not be late, unless you want to be met with glares from other attendees. These common phrases reveal how we feel about time…that it is scarce, it is valuable, and not to be wasted.

But what is so incredibly fascinating (and somewhat sad) is where and how we actually spend our time. I read some data from The American Time Use Survey and Our World in Data, about how we spend our time over the span of our lives. To say the least, it made me think about the way I view and schedule my own time.

Time Spent with Family

As a child, it’s assumed you will spend a lot of time with your family. You rely on your caregivers/guardians to fulfil your basic needs of food and shelter. You may even have siblings or cousins who are your playmates, roommates, and occasionally your arch enemy. When you go to sleep your family is there and when you wake up they are there too. But as you approach your teenage years, the data shows you begin to spend LESS time with your family, especially around 20 years old. As you leave your home to live on your own, you get caught up creating your own life, with your own responsibilities. And before you know it the family rarely gets together because they are off with their own units. Our time together, as a family, becomes more finite.

Time Spend with Friends

In the data, we see an increase of time spent with friends in your teenage years, peaking about 18 years old. However, as you enter your late twenties and early thirties there is a falloff. It appears you are spending smaller bits of time with a few close friends. I think the takeaway here is — be selective with your friends. Choose the ones who are there for you through the peaks and the valleys. Invest in those who invest back into you. Who add to your life, not take from it.

Time Spent with Coworkers

Predictably so, time spent with your co-workers is fairly steady during you “working years” of 20–60 years old. When you look at this chart in comparison to the one with family and friends, it’s essentially the opposite. As time with your friends and family is decreasing, your time at work is increasing. We all know we spend a lot of time at work, but if you have the privilege, choose a place you enjoy working. Where the people support you and encourage your growth. I don’t believe your work has to be your “purpose and passion” but it would be nice to not dread your workplace.

Time Spent with Partner

The person you choose a partner in this life will get a LOT of your time. According to the data, time with your partner increases until death. Think about that…the time spend with your partner increases until DEATH! If we are lucky…that is a long time. In plain words, you better like this person. Whether it’s traveling the world together or watching paint dry, you want to genuinely enjoy this person’s company. They can’t just be a sexy little snack you enjoy looking at, (I mean I’m sure it helps), but at the end of the day are they kind? Do they feel like home?

Time Spent with Children

If you don’t have kids, skip this part. Kidding! Do not skip this part! Even though you may not be a parent, it is still relevant. If you are someone’s aunt or uncle, I bet this applies to you in someway. The chart of time spent with children reveals a peak in your 30’s, but then declines afterwards. Probably because the kids are becoming teenagers — and as we learned earlier they starting to venture away from the family. I recently was at Disneyland with my nephew who is about 2.5 years old. We were in line for a ride when he grabbed and said, “Auntie Mel, will you hold me please?” I hesitated for a moment, knowing once I held him it was game over. He would not want to stand in line. However, I picked him up anyway, watching him eat his goldfish crackers without a care in the world. Getting crumbs all over my jacket. After awhile, I could feel my biceps and back beginning to burn, but decided to endure the discomfort. Knowing one day he will stop asking for his auntie Mel to hold him.

Time Spent Alone

What do you think happens to our time alone as we get older? Seriously, take a moment to guess. Well, turns out as we get older we spend more and more time alone. It’s funny because in our younger years we rarely want to be alone. Spending every waking moment with friends, seeking adventure, and novelty. Perhaps, as we get older we realize the value of alone time, we cherish the solitude and the peace. I think it is important to note that time alone doesn’t mean we are lonely. Afterall, you are spending time with YOU. You have a relationship with yourself whether you realize it or not. I encourage you to think about your current relationship with yourself. Are you kind to yourself? Are you compassionate? Do you make time for fun and adventure? This relationship is constant, you will always have it, whether you like it or not.

What to Do With This Information?

I think it’s simple. Time is valuable. It is an invisible currency, meaning if you aren’t mindful, you may spend it in places not worth your energy. Enjoy the time you have with your family, the data shows you don’t have a lot of it. Hold on to those friends who are there for you through the ups and downs. Work will take a lot of your time, choose a place that supports your growth, if you can help it. Enjoy your children or the little people in your life because they won’t want your attention forever. Pick a partner who’s mere presence is comforting. And lastly, be gentle with yourself. Learn to sit with yourself in kindness because it’s a relationship you’ll spend a lot, if not the most, time with.